LET'S MAKE FIRE

Fire is an element. It is made by..........Hahahahaha. You honestly thought I am going to tell you how to make fire? What do I look like? A fire Marshall  (Okay, that does not make sense since they put out fire)...I have a better one...what do I look like? Size 8? (Get it?).

That said, I have the 4.1.1 on where fire was made last weekend. As in, both literally and figuratively.

What do you think of when you have had a long couple of days? You think of a place by the fire, with awesome company, cool music, limitless food and only your favorite drinks, yes? Lemme guess, sounds like home, ey?....WRONG. There is only one place that brought all these elements together - Cafe UBUNTU Fireplace


Cafe Ubuntu FIRELACE
A Tree House Media Limited Production

Tree House Media - Kenya is responsible for this one of a kind event (they should be arrested of arson by the by). I am not an outdoor kinda person but I got schooled. The event's signature is an actual fireplace (with wood and all, just like the old days) around which the guests sit. For this particular edition, we were taken for a road trip to Maai Mahiu, Naivasha to a cosy location Cafe Ubuntu. Away from the city and its hustles. The media house partnered with CTC International which majorly promotes women's welfare around the area with part of the money made via ticket sales being donated to this noble project.

The tickets were affordable with the least going for Kshs. 1200 which entitled you to entrance, entertainment and limitless nyama choma. An extra 400 bob ensured you have accommodation - tented accommodation which brought the Game of Thrones kinda feel to it. There was also an exhibition from the CTC women which included artworks, kikois, bracelets, carvings, you name it. As if this was not enough, there was a cheese, crackers and ice cream stand by Brown's which allowed free sampling! Needless to say, that was where i spent most of the night.

With a fire, guests, food, free goodies and liquor, there is only one more thing left to mention - The performances - This was a deep night of live music, poetry, spoken word and acoustics. In word, FIRE!

What's more, a little birdie tells me the next edition of THE FIREPLACE happens on the 2nd of May, 2015 - yes, just a month a way! I know you can't wait - neither can I :-). Enough talk, let the images talk for themselves - but since i can't shut up to save my life, i will still find a way to do it in between the photos (for more photos, go to Machokali Images)

Let's go!

THE AMBIANCE

THE PERFORMANCE

This was a definite hit with the lyrical master himself JULIANI hosting the show.

Juliani

JULIANI in sync with the man with the magic hands Moseh the Drummist

A surprise performance by NAZIZI, queen of rhyme.

 A lyrical kill by Smallz Lethal himself

The night would not have been the same without Moseh the Drummist

Poetry was laid down by Poetic Bee , Raya and  Fuse

Fuse

Raya

Poetic Bee

The music was melted out by Bensoul , Gachago , Ayrosh , Joe and Noni

Bensoul

Gachago

Joe

Ayrosh Col

Noni

And then there was this guy from the crowd who dared to freestyle......told you there was one of a kind  crowd

THE PEOPLE

 THE AFTERMATH

While the next morning is normally characterized by drank people blacked out on the grass at other events, this was not the case since we have already established this is not just any event. After the previous night's indulgence, there was a morning workout! Yes! How cool is that?

 Did I mention that H_ART the Band was in the building (to be fair - the yard)? Don't be jealous, buy a ticket for the next one :-)

H_ART the Band with an unknown female blogger who writes this blog 

This was the great start to an great event. I can't wait for the next one.

Regards, L.O.P :-)

IN MY HEAD FOR KShs.20 - #KShs. 3 - WHY KANJO MIGHT ARREST YOU

I have never had a personal encounter with Kanjo except once and my very very riveting story regarding my kids being in school because the father did not pick them up got me out of trouble (do not ask which kids, what is it to you?).

City Council policemen (askaris) a.k.a Kanjo are the men and women whose signature clothing is some very very hilarious color scheme of yellow for parking attendants (also known to carry yellow, metallic 'machinery' and can be mistaken for Tyre changing mechanics) and 'Camouflage green (not sure the shade but i am sure Reina would be the right person to ask about color since she is a fashionista and all). Camouflage green is for the traffic askaris then there are the real bad ass'- the ones who drive cages around and round up unknowing (or rather slow) hawkers.

Generally, anyone would tell you that an encounter with these men/women is not funny. Many of us would naively say that we can not be caught by these men/women because we don't break the follow. I know the things we avoid doing e.g. littering, talking on the phone while crossing the road, sitting on flower beds such and such.

But here is what you did not know- these are my top ten reasons why you might not be too far from the long leg or hand or both of the Kanjo.

Here are some of Nairobi County By-laws:

1.Signalling, guiding and or directing a driver of a vehicle into or out of a parking place is an offence

Yes boo boo. Do not guide your friend out of the parking lot..i mean what kind of patriot would do   something like that? It goes against the moral code. Let him/her hit all the cars. Good thing about this law is that the next time those dudes at Jamia parking lot ask for 'chai' for guiding you out of a parking space, tell them you will get them arrested, after you are safely in the clear of course.

2. Entering any premises which are on fire without authorisation from the senior office

Yes, the next time you want to run into a burning premise....remember to check in with the senior officer. He/she just might grant you permission :-)

3. Each person engaging in hawking must have a badge and wear it at conspicuous places

So to the ladies especially, the next time you are knee deep in chiffon tops on Moi Avenue, remember to ask to see the badge of the hawker. You could pull a 'License and Registration Please' on him. I mean, with all the running with gunias (can someone please recruit this people for athletics - 100M) and teargas, what excuse does this hawker have not to be spotting a badge? It might read "TONY KAMAU OYUGI - HAWKER-CBD AREA"

4. Parking of any vehicle other than a matatu at a matatu terminus is an offence

I have always wondered why there are no private vehicles in the terminus'...its actually a by-law. I think this one is a good one seeing how private vehicle owners like parking their cars in town whiel they live in Ngara and could have just walked.

5. Six or more persons' waiting to board a matatu must queue.

More power to the law abiding people of Jogoo and Mombasa road. This is actually a good one...getting handbags cut into half in the scramble by petty thieves was never funny.

6. A person doing a kiosk business shall not sleep overnight in the business places

Sleeping in your kiosk is very wrooooooong. I guess its a lucky break for all cyber, boutique and cake (lol)  shops, y'all can sleep in the business premises. Kiosk owners, keep off.

7.Bargaining or buying from a hawker in undesignated area is an offence

Its either you bargain or buy, not both. The next time hawkers run, do not just stand there, RUN! You are an accessory to making ends meet...sorry, i meant murder.

8. Blowing your nose aimlessly without use of a tissue or handkerchief is an offence

Enough said. But note that aimless is not the crime, lack of a tissue or handkerchief is. Be aimless in a tissue or handkerchief.

9. No owner of a dog shall permit a dog to cry, bark in a manner that disturbs peace and quiet.

The next time your dog asks for permission to bark or cry, deny deny deny. No means No.

10. A pedestrian crossing a road at the zebra crossing or designated crossing areas shall walk on the left on such pedestrian crossing

Walking on the right gives you the right to remain silent and what you shall be exaggerated and used against you in no court at all. That said, I think this one enhances safety because every time people cross from a zebra crossing from both directions, its like the effing start of a rugby match.


So you are not as law abiding as you thought, yes? Shame on you. Mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

Regards, L.O.P :-)

IN MY HEAD FOR KShs.20 - #KShs. 2 - FRIENDS YOU SHOULD DUMP

Friendships are very tricky especially in this day and age where individuality is more common than trees. Personally, I have never been good at the constant communication but I know i turn up when I am needed. No one is perfect but there are people who can not be friends even if it were to rain water (get it?)

Like any other relationship, friendship needs work.I don't know why people assume friendships can run on autopilot. Its a relationship like any other.

That said, these are the kind of friends you definitely don't need. I know letting go of 'friendships' is hard but really, is it worth the effort? I do not think so. I write this from experience unlike some 'bloggers' who lift stuff from other sites.

Here goes...

1. THE SINGLE CARRIAGEWAY

Sample conversation:
Daisy: Hey, lets go out.
Lorna: I am busy

2 days later...
Lorna: Daisy, lets go out.
Daisy: I have school work...
Lorna: Its the only free day I have, no excuses

This is the kind of friend who is only available when she is available. Plans are plans only if she is available. Your schedule is not important. Your needs are not a factor. S/He is the only important part of that relationship. Drop that friend in some dirt road somewhere and never look back.

2. THE MOSQUITO

This is a blood sucking friend who stops at nothing. This are the overly dependent friends who only find you when they need something or some favor or because they have seen you have extra tickets to some event.

They drain you of you energy, money, time, goodness and emotions. They never give back, they never reciprocate.

Sample conversation:
Daisy: Aki sweetie i am stressed
Lorna: Whats up hun?
Daisy: My boyfriend is mad at me; aki i don't know what to do
Lorna: *Advice galore
Daisy: I do not have money for bras
Lorna: Mpesa

One month later:
Lorna: Umepotea
Daisy: Niko tu.
Lorna: I am stressed
Daisy: Pole

One week later:
Daisy: Lorna sweetie, unaenza ni peleka kwa wedding fulani. We can use your ride.
Lorna: No problem hun

SWAT THAT MOSQUITO! Friendship should benefit both parties. Friendship is mutual. You are not a one stop shop.

3. THE LOOSE BRA

This is a friend who will never support you. It does not matter what you need support in. It does not matter if you are need emotional, physical or endevour support. This friend is not there. For example, I tend to share links a lot and people I consider friends (or family) can't take five minutes to read. You get my drift?

Friends are meant to support you, to uplift and encourage you. This friends can not even support your hustle. If a friend paints, buy a paint one time. If a friend sells bracelets, buy one. If your friend does plays, attend some. If your friend has a function, attend it. But the loose bra does not. All they do is pretend they are there but not really.

Bin that bra.

4. THE JOURNALIST

Sample conversation
Lorna: Mapya?
Daisy: I am okay but my mother and father are breaking up, the cat died and I failed my exams.
Lorna: Woi Pole. Things will work out.
Daisy: Enough about me. How are you?
Lorna: Nothing, Niko tu.

This is the kind of friend who is always up in your business but never tells you about their lives. They essentially do not think you deserve to know more than the "I got a new job' details. I tend to believe in the kind of friendship where we can talk on everything and nothing.

Fire the journalist. If you wanted a one-sided sharing session, go to a psychiatrist.

5. THE BAE GROUPIE

Sample Conversation
Daisy: Can we hook up?
Lorna: I wish but i am taking Peter to the dentist

Daisy: Please take me to Hosi
Lorna: Aki i had plans. Peter's cat died, there is a service

Daisy: Lorna, ice cream this Saturday. My treat.
Lorna: Woi, imagine its Peter's parents anniversary. I can't make it.

Three months later...
Lorna: Can we hang out?
Daisy: I am going upcountry.
Lorna: Aki woiye, this is the only weekend Peter is out of town.

This is the kind of friend who never has time for you when she/he is in a relationship. Everything is centred on the better half. The only time you two seem to get to hang out is when they break up, have beef or when they can not hang out with them.

CANCEL THE CONCERT. Romantic relationships should never take the place of friendships - its great to find time for friends.

I know i used examples with female names but that was just for functional purposes. This list applies to both men and women. Good thing is
its never too late to stop being 'dumpable'...unless well, it is.

Remember: 'There is no such thing as a bad friend; you either have good friends, acquaintances or they are not a friend.'

Cheers to better friendships.

Regards, L.O.P :-)

IN MY HEAD FOR KShs.20 - #KShs. 1 - WHY YOUR PILAU IS A NJERI

I was challenged by one Sarah Lebu (get her beautiful pieces there) to do 20 pieces in 20 days. This challenge was accepted because i am the girl you tell to run on her head and I still try.

This will be different from the normal monthly posts. I will give you a sneak peak of what goes through my head. This will be random; all my interests, thoughts and feelings in 20 days. Lets do this, ey?

Lets start with my first love and exceptional skill (yes, i said it): FOOD AND COOKING.

Pilau is a Swahili dish made in most households. The best pilau dish is a balance of many aspects. I am going to give five of the most frequent mistakes made when making this perfect dish.

1. WHY YOU MAKE RICE UGALI

This is a common feature of most rice dishes made in Kenyan kitchens. I mean why would you make rice if it ends up looking like the brown ugali? The first step in making sure your pilau turns out perfect is to make sure the rice does not clump together. There are recommendations I would make for the rice brands that I prefer but they have not paid for advertising. Hint: Opposite of sunset.

The trick to make sure rice does not clump is to wash it! Easy yes? NO! I mean really wash the rice until the water turns clear. The starch is responsible for the cloudy appearance of the water. Starch is responsible for the sticking together of rice grains so wash wash wash.

Frying rice lightly in a pan also helps. This involves frying washed rice in a very small amount of oil over fire for five minutes before boiling. No more rice ugali.

Go from this kind of Pilau

To this kind of Pilau 

2. WHY YOU MAKE WHITE PILAU

Serving white rice with peas and potatoes and random brown color here and there and telling your guests its pilau is an insult to someone (i am not sure to whom but its an insult). Refering to white rice as pilau is like refering to Marya as talented in music...I mean, what?

The signature look of pilau is the GOLDEN COLOR - not white or black, but Golden color. The mistake people make is to think that the color is as a result of Pilau masala.

The trick to getting this golden color is dependent on the color of the onions you fry first. Yes. The color of the onions after frying determines the end color of the dish. Fry onions to a golden brown color or a bit darker and the signature look will be taken care of.

3. WHY YOUR PILAU CAN BE FLU MEDICINE

This has happened to me so many times when I eat at someone else's house. Have you ever looked forward to a plate of pilau but you can smell the pilau masala from under a trailor? The amount of spice especially the usual suspect, Pilau masala is enough to make your flu go away, cure your muscle aches and open up your sinuses. I am sure you relate.

The amount of spices to put in pilau is not a perfect science but here is a tip to make the results better:
Use whole spices instead of the ground ones hence controlling the flavor and getting the most of it at the same time. Spices are naturally balanced but there is one thing most people do not do; roast the spices before use. This is the best way to maximize on spices. Please do not throw the spices over open fire, just place a sufuria over fire until its hot then throw the spices in and stir for about three minutes. These are now perfect for use.

4. WHY YOUR PILAU DOES NOT HAVE THE O-FACTOR

O-factor is brought about by the amount of onions you put in the first place. Crazy hint: Pilau does not need tomatoes. The flavor of your pilau is depedent on the onions. Go crazy with 4 onions and above. Cut them into rings too (adds nothing) but makes it look yummier in my opinion.


5. WHY YOUR PILAU IS OVER/UNDER COOKED

If you make a lot of it, the upper part is normally too crunchy meaning its undercooked. Use the old time trick, cover with a lid, remove from fire and put hot charcoal on top. Perfect.

Over cooked rice is the main enemy of the state. This is usually due to wrong water to rice ratio measurement. I know the old rule is 1:2 but I recommend 1:13/4 to make sure that the rice is cooked just right.

RANDOM TIP: Fry full potatoes in oil and throw into the pilau. This makes sure they are not mushy by the time the rice is done and gives them a crunchy taste. Do not slice or chop the potatoes, whole potatoes make better pilau.

Thank me later.

Regards, L.O.P :-)