First things first, I furiously apologize for not posting in December. Lets just say my gadget was thirsty, i gave it a drink but that Is not what it wanted - such a girl.
Thank you for understanding
CASE STUDY
Hunter S. Thompson once said: As far as i am concerned, it is a damned shame that a field as potentially dynamic and vital as journalism should be overrun with dullards, bums and hacks, hag ridden with myopia, apathy and complacence, and generally stuck in a bog of mediocrity.
His words, not mine but i concur. Lets look at mediocrity (not as per T.I's criteria, no, but the actual meaning and I am going to use the below named person as an example)
Name: Njoki Chege (who will be referred to as NC from here onwards)
Age: eeeeeeeeh....debatable but claims to be 24 or is it 25? Can't really keep track.
Gender: Female
Diagnosis: Mediocrity (this word can be replaced with middle-of-the-road - which would point to lack of fuel, mechanical problems or just bad driving skills)
DESCRIPTION
N.C is a blogger/columnist in Kenya. Naaaah, that description does her no justice at all. Let me put it this way, she is the socialite of writing. She pulls writing stunts then sits back and watches people trip over their tongues and fingers (sorta like i am doing right now). By socialite i mean she is a perceived public figure (quite literally) that enjoys the attention that comes with showing off insecurities in public. I know everybody is stupid in their own way but when done privately, its allowed.
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
1. Why i would not date a man instagram
The above is one of her posts. I agree that hanging out with a man who is constantly online is boooring and very juvenile, even if he is checking out my profile. Agreed but lets get some pointers into perspective
- Blue Subarus - N.C has a formidable apathy towards BLUE subarus, not red, not silver or grey but Blue. Let me school you on car reviews. Cars are reviewed based on performance, interior, safety, reliability, cooling system, fuel consumption, mileage, suspension etc. Moral of the list: CARS ARE NOT RATED DEPENDING ON COLOR.
- Keep the 'holiday at the Mara' pictures to yourself, serious Kenyans fly their families to the Alps for Christmas and they are not even on Instagram - there goes the efforts of the Tourism board. So those families that fly in from the Alps to go to the Mara for 'Holiday at the Mara' are not serious? Local tourism is an actual thing
- I know of lawyers in town who fly their girlfriends to Nanyuki for sun-downers - first of all, the road trip to Nanyuki is phenomenal You should try it if you are not flying economy to the Alps. Also, I also know of the president, doesn't give me entry to the state house, now does it?
- KE Instagrammers have such a low self-esteem, they measure their worth against the number of people who 'like' their photos - don't you think this is just a little hypocritical coming from you? I mean, you are like the cover model of Esteem Issues, all editions.
Classical symptom: Pressure of speech
2. Why I'm not dating and won't tie the knot soon
I will enter this as my second symptom. This article gave me mixed reactions. I agreed with some parts and totally disagreed with others (See, i have a positive side)
I agree that there is a new crop of 'young men' who i would not date myself. See, the type that is constantly raving, still dresses like he is going for a high school funkie at Kamahoho Girls, the type that is always drinking then drunk texts me (really?), the men who know all the clubs in town, Westlands, Lang'ata and its environs, the men who think sex is the answer, the men who buy a pair of shoes and everybody gets tagged -These are the men that need to go to Shamba shape up for whatever reason. I am with her fully on this.
I agree that there is a new crop of 'young men' who i would not date myself. See, the type that is constantly raving, still dresses like he is going for a high school funkie at Kamahoho Girls, the type that is always drinking then drunk texts me (really?), the men who know all the clubs in town, Westlands, Lang'ata and its environs, the men who think sex is the answer, the men who buy a pair of shoes and everybody gets tagged -These are the men that need to go to Shamba shape up for whatever reason. I am with her fully on this.
I only have one clarification to make: Refined men aren't necessarily rich. there is a difference between a man who is a gentleman and a man who is rich, they can go hand in hand, but its not a guarantee.
You say that married men are rich and all good men are married. Hahahaha. Cheers to all the married men in Korogocho, you have been declared rich. We get it, you are into married men but i understand, you would need a man who has let his guard down after 40 years of marriage to hit on you. Keep to your lane.
Clinical symptom: Concrete thinking (not as good as it sounds)
3. LADIES: It's all your fault he is cheating.
I would like to toast to all skinny/slender women for not being cheated on. It must be really nice to know that cheating is directly proportional to the amount of fat you have. This girl could be a scientist if it were not for her obvious lack of scientific evidence.
- You have no fashion sense- sweetheart, you are wearing a white beret on your profile picture. I rest my case.
- Since you got married you have become a boring, dull and gloomy stay-at-home mother and wife whose one and only goal is to raise children - this was downright disrespectful like Masaku 7s was more respectful. Do you know the pain of childbirth? Have you ever been married? Raising children is an actual job, have you tried it? Class is free, grab some.
Clinical symptom: Looseness of association
4. Why i will never marry a poor man
"..............I ain't saying she a gold digger............" Urgh, sorry, song won't leave me in peace
"..............I ain't saying she a gold digger............" Urgh, sorry, song won't leave me in peace
No NC, a relationship should take you to the alter, not the bank unless you work there and your boyfriend is a co-worker. Banks allow for deposits, withdrawals, inquiries - i doubt they haVe a relationship account.
I will give you words from a very famous and articulate philosopher - Britney Spears
You wanna hot body
You want a Bugatti
You want a Maserati
You better work b
You want a Lamborghini
Sip martinis
Look hot in a bikini
You better work b
You wanna live fancy
Live in a big mansion
Party in France
You better work B
She goes on to say that she is Miss Independent - PUUULLL UP. Look up the word in the dictionary, while at it check out a blog known as Miss Independent and take notes, careful ones. Spot the difference.
While you are busy looking for the famous Mr.Moneybags (who sounds a lot like Santa), please note that there are a certain breed of women who attract them. That said, i will quote another famous philosopher - Chris Brown:
"I can make a broke b rich, but i don't eff with broke b........................."
Clinical symptom: Apathy
FINAL DIAGNOSIS
Histrionic Personality with Delusion of grandeur++++
TREATMENT
Diazepam 1000mg/kg -PRN - like really, let sleeping dogs lie
CONCLUSION
Mediocrity is like gangrene and comes in all shapes of eye brows. Its a pity such a credible media house would give this type of writing a column for the sake of sales and rating but then again, what do i know?
Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. LOL
Regards, L.O.P :-)
